how to write romance novels, book marketing

Yes, fellow Romance writers, when it comes to writing novels and fuming about rejection letters, I can feel your pain. That’s why I created these 10 humorous zingers to take away the sting. 

Dear Book Editor:

1. I see you’ve taken great pains to prove that the Grammar Fairy slapped you silly at birth.

2. I’m really easy to get along with, once you accept that your job is to pay me a million dollars. And worship my brilliance.

3. Keep your red ink to yourself. Otherwise, I’ll write your life story — and use real names.

4. I like you. You remind me of my protagonist before he got a life.

5. It’s a thankless job, entertaining editorial nincompoops, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.

6. I shall always cherish the initial misconceptions that you had about my writing. I often need a good laugh for inspiration.

7. I have plenty of talent and vision. Apparently, you weren’t blessed with the talent or vision to see them.

8. I’m not being rude.  I have great sympathy for born losers.

9. I’m already visualizing, “#1 New York Times Bestseller,” beside my name – and you searching for a new job.

10. Thank you. I’m refreshed and challenged to know that a resident of one of the hippest cities in the world can have such a myopic point of view.

By the way, Gentle Reader:  If you’re considering firing off a zinger to your least favorite publishing professional, remember that our business is cyclical, editors have long memories and… success is the best revenge.

The inspiration for this post came from 25 Phrases You Wish You Could Say at Work More Often. Be sure to check them out: they’re hilarious (but slightly naughty. You’ve been warned!)

Happy writing!